Some days it hurts..

These are the days that I hate...

I sat with two of my kids at work today. The one is completely manic this week. He's been on suicide watch and is up and down every 10 seconds. The other pulls at my heartstrings every time I see her. She's nine, has beautiful red hair and stunning blue eyes. She was adopted for 5 years and then given up like an unwanted dog. She breaks my heart and I want nothing but a beautiful, stable life for her.

She went to turn on the TV to watch cartoons and this poor broken confused boy lunged at her, started choking her and screaming. Two of the other staff grabbed his arms to restrain him and as they stood him up he started kicking this little girl who was balled up, screaming in front of him. Instinct made me jump to the floor and pick her up. I was instructed to run her to safety. Where could I take her that could possibly feel safe? I ran downstairs and locked the door with this trembling being wrapped tightly in my arms. She does not deserve to be here and I wished that I could take all of this away from her. She's so fragile and confused.

As I sat there holding her, the tears streamed down my cheeks. There is so much pain in her tired weary little face. I cry for the mother and father that gave her up, for the adopted family that gave her hope then stole it back. I cry for the tears she sheds and the confusion that she harbors every day. I wish for the chance to take her away from this place, to give her a real life, real parents and just one chance to be a little girl again.